“I understand.” I said. “I get lonely too.”
We were having a talk about how a client was struggling coming out of a relationship and no longer having friends around and a support network.
She seemed surprised when I shared this. I went on to say that I have actually done a lot of learning and reflecting around this this year based on my own experiences as well as what has been coming up for other people.
What I came to realise is that for me personally I have often used different means to try and feel that connection. In the past it would have been finding friends to get drunk with (you know who you are, I’m sorry!) or it would have been hanging around with people that may not have been positive, just to have people to hang around with, it also looked like addiction to my phone and searching for connection that way, or food or getting involved in people’s stuff just so I didn’t have to accept the fact that I was lonely.
Now, its a feeling that comes up and I sit with it, or when I catch myself with old habits about to creep in, I pause and go actually what’s going on here, do I really want to reach out to this person or what am I actually needing right now. It is at that point that I can tell if it feels a healthy reach out, or if I was just about to try and push away some other feelings.
Sometimes the feelings will just pass through as I recognise them and honour them, and other times I am able to see what I really need, where I am really wanting that connection. Sometimes it is getting out for a walk in nature, and really feeling connected and grounded to Mother Earth. Sometimes it will be a meaningful conversation with a friend, but its the conversation that is important not just being around people. Sometimes it is connecting with my spiritual side whether that be through a book, or a meaty podcast or similar.
We so often turn to people when we are feeling lonely, but there are other ways of feeling that connection. Last night my curious life took me to a Full Moon Drumming Circle. I knew one other person there, there were no introductions or time to get to know we were straight in to the drumming.
I caught myself at one point as I gazed in to the fire while (making something up on a drum) realising that I had the biggest grin on my face because I felt so incredibly connected. The fire was by the river, so was getting my nature box truly ticked, I was amongst like hearted people, I was being creative, I was immersed in music, it had the most amazing spiritual buzz going on.
I felt so connected. Connected to my core. Connected to my soul. Connected to my true, true essence. I felt so totally alive.
Would I have still felt connected if we hadn’t had the fire and river, or if we hadn’t had the drums, or if I had been there with the fire and by the river by myself. Yes! Because these are ALL ways I feel connection. To have all of them meant I was in my absolute element.
What could you bring in to your life that could help you feel more connected, what is missing? If you don’t have many people in your life right now, what other ways can you feel that connection and meaning in your life.
I will be talking about a book that really helped me understand more about this in my newsletter coming out on Friday. Subscribe here to receive it – http://eepurl.com/gxDlnb