I often refer back to Russell Brand’s quote that we have never been more connected, yet never been so disconnected.  Technology, a pandemic, and the busyness of life are all going to play a part.

    1. Well connected?  Are you a socialite, out and about, mixing and mingling, don’t have a problem meeting new people or making new friends, or are you like me, who has to take a big deep breath in that scenario, and is happy if you’ve made one decent connection, and got past the small talk and trivia and on to something a bit more meaty and juicy, a bit more deep and meaningful!  No right or wrong, its about knowing what works for you.
    2. How connected are you to yourself? That could be anything from how well we know ourselves to how much we love ourselves, what makes us tick, what makes our heart sing, what makes us sad, what we need, what is on our bliss list when it comes to self care, what our core values are.
    3. It is amazing when you go through life and different pieces of the puzzle come together, “ahh that’s why I respond the way I do”, “that’s why this always happens”.  In 2016, I went on a course to help mentor young people.  I had been involved in a trust that helps to reduce teenage suicide and this seemed a natural way of me being able to actively support and help.

      So I tootled in expecting to just learn some tools and ways of communicating and connecting with a young person, oh how wrong was I!  I think it was pretty much the first question that had me floored!  Who was there for you when you were younger?  It couldn’t be family or a teacher, it was meant to be a friend’s parent or a youth group leader or similar, and while others were scribbling away or chatting with the person next to them, I sat them in silence, racking my brains….  No one.  No one came to mind. 

      That was a big piece of my puzzle completed.  I have lived with the story of ‘having to do everything on my own or for myself’, and never really understood where that had come from, because I have a very loving family, and had a good network of friends growing up, but this is different to that.  It is about just having someone outside of those hubs that has your back and who looks out for you.

    4. What has happened in the last couple of years has really taken connection and shaken it around.  Whether that be through divides, different values, different opinions, lockdowns, or isolations.  Yes, we have found other ways and means and the working world will never go back to what it was before, with more businesses working online or from home now.  But what does that mean for you?  What do you want it to mean for you?  If things have changed, how can you meet that need for connection in another way?
    5. Acceptance, belonging, connection, community, all core values, does one jump out to you?
    6. I was sharing with a client this week how I have learnt so much about the world of gaming from clients, what it provides for gamers, what needs it meets, and the connection is absolutely one of them, connection and community.
    7. Similar to our devices, we can often be hunting out connections when we are mindlessly scrolling, and certainly, young ones often get their connection with others from being online.
    8. Loneliness.  Such a taboo subject can be so hard for us to admit when we see people’s ‘best life reels’ online and we think we are the only ones going through what we are, or struggling with disconnect.  I share more about my experience here.
    9. Sabotage.  Some of the red zone story reels I speak about with clients can be around how no one cares, why am I on my own, I don’t have good friends…  But what is often one of the first things we do when we are struggling, pull away, isolate, and withdraw.  The very thing we are needing and craving, we pull back from.  Can you bring some consciousness in to your decisions, and when you are most wanting to pull away, what steps can you gently take to do things differently?
    10. In 2017 I was asked to speak at a mentor training workshop, and I really tried to emphasise this point, as I have coached adults, and what a difference it can make to someone’s life ongoing if they feel they are supported and have someone sharing the load.  I often think that the person we were holding out for and wishing we had in our lives, is actually that connection with ourselves, that it is that we can trust and rely on, that can take responsibility for our needs; but we are not born to be islands, we are born to be part of a community.

If you have that urge to be a part of a community, have a look at The Hummingbird Collective which I have put together not only to share tools and ideas for how to deal with different situations that come in to life, but also to provide this safe space where people go from feeling lost, feeling like they don’t belong, not sure of who they are to feeling connected, supported, more confident and feeling part of something bigger…