This can be hard for some, and outright terrifying for others, so I thought I would share some thoughts here.

1 – I was reflecting back on whether I have always been okay going on adventures by myself, and when I talk about adventures, please know that includes everything from heading to a cafe on my own to a road trip, to the other side of the world!  I was thinking about the fact that I have done a lot of adventuring on my own, and I thought back, and I remembered one particular time that I wasn’t okay with it.

2 – I was early to meet up with friends, and it was during my drinking days, so thought oh well, I either stay out here sober or brave it and go in and get to have a drink.  I did the latter, and was doing okay, until a few more later, (I was very early) I misjudged the bar stool and fell off!  Awkwardness of friends laughing if they’d been there versus stifled chuckles from strangers around, its a pretty close competition.

3 – Hmmm, thinking now, there may be a difference in the type of adventure.  I have no issue in it, if it is the cafe, the road trip, the journey across the world; but should it be an event where I am required to engage, then that does involve a bit more courage on my part.

4 – Is it because a solo adventure I am in my heartspace and purely focused on where I am at, what I may or may not do next, and it is all a bit slower paced, I guess there is anonymity in there.  An event going to on my own, may be headspace, there may be expectations on me, it may also activate some of that ‘this is not safe’ cave man style triggers.

5 – I remember there being a turning point for me, when I thought why is it that I am okay doing it when I am travelling, going out for a meal or to a cafe for example, so if I can do it then, what’s stopping me closer to home.  Of course it came down to ‘what will people think?’ But the pull of loving the freedom of it started to win.

6 – Last year I was facing a birthday by myself, it was a Monday, Auckland was in lockdown, and so I made a conscious decision to make it a values driven birthday.  Apart from catching up with a couple of friends who were in town and grabbed a coffee with before I set off on my drive, I literally focused onmy values and how I was going to connect in with as many as possible.  The result – I had the best day!  You can read more here.

7 – What are the benefits of solo adventures?  They can definitely push us out of that comfort zone, but beautifully at whatever pace, or size step we want to.  We can start gain evidence of what we can achieve, as well as strengthening that connection with ourselves.  It can help us to build up our sense of independence, as well as whatever benefits come from the activity we are doing.  Whether that being outside, learning a new skill, laughing at a movie.

8 – Can you set yourself a focus each week?  What is something different or, where is somewhere you could go where you haven’t been on your own before?  When we start to put something on our radar, have it as a bit of a focus, then it gives our brain something to work with, something to problem solve, it starts looking for opportunities to complete this.

9 – Adventures, whether with others or not, don’t always go as planned.  When we are able to enter in to them with curiosity, openness, and from our heartspace, they can take on a life of their own and lead us to places and experiences we may never have dreamt of.

10 – I remember at one point in my life being thoroughly bored that the only topic of conversation I had was ‘what I saw on Facebook.’  Not only does it give us much more to talk about, but it can help us to reflect and go ‘hang on, there was the time that I did xyz, so surely that means I can do abc now…”  Building up that confidence in a beautiful layering kind of way…

Please note when you are planning your next solo adventure, whatever it might be, please don’t think this gives you permission to put yourself in danger in the name of exploring on your own.  Please take care of yourself and explore and take your adventures in a way that honours and respects you!