1. Put some distance between yourself and them.  Whether this is physical if possible, or putting some space between yourself and what they are saying or doing.  

2. You will know this, but it is worth putting in here as a reminder.  We can’t change others.  If they are aware that they want to make some changes, then yes we can walk alongside them.  But until that time comes it will be us carrying the burden, the heartache if we are constantly focusing on them changing.

3. What are ways that you can release what you are holding in a safe, wholesome way?  Frustrations and other feelings can build up, and most often they end up spurting out at times we wished they didn’t and at people, we wish we hadn’t.  Whether it be a walk, music turned up, breathwork, singing, a punching bag or similar.  Maybe it’s best to get some of this happening on a regular basis, to keep those levels lower.

4. Who are your allies?  Do you have someone you can tell that you are going in to a tricky situation and will they be around later or have the capacity later to support you?  Recently I was navigating one of those situations with someone, and it meant the world to have someone supporting me throughout.

5. Can you limit the time you spend with them?  Whether it be making it clear how long you will be there for, or having a time in your head, can help knowing that you have an exit plan, as well as hopefully getting out while the going is good/okay….

6. I heard the phrase sometimes people are best loved from a distance.  I have some people I love dearly in my life, could I ever imagine living with them, nope!  So let’s not try and work miracles.  Healthy boundaries, everyone knows where they stand, got something to refer back to.

7. Self-care, not going to apologise it makes the list again!  These interactions will take energy.  If you are trying to do them with an empty tank, it is possibly not going to be very pretty and will leave your tanks depleted by the end of it.  What can you do even on the morning of an event you may be going to, to top up the tanks and put yourself in the best position possible.

8. Know your stuff.  All the energy we put in wanting others to change, we can put in to understanding ourselves, our buttons, our pain points, our wounds, our triggers.  Then putting the work in to heal them, so we are not potentially so reactive in a situation as well.

9. Take your power back.  Do what you can to let things go.  We are often the ones left holding the stuff, and sometimes the person who triggered us may not even know.  Take your power back, and don’t let them continue to have an effect long after you have departed ways.

10. We always have a choice, are you coming from a place of love or a place of fear.  They will have their stuff, their stories, their wounds and their pain too.