An interesting one…
- Looking at the idea that we can spend a lot of time, energy, money and resources trying to be liked, to fit in. The idea that it comes from cave man days, where we needed to be part of the tribe, the community for survival, it was not safe not to fit in, not to be liked.
- I often talk about how that poor old part of the brain, the amygdala must get exhausted as it can so often be triggered by occurrences these days that are not life and death, but it might read them that they are. We want to be reassuring our brain often that we are safe, that we have different tools now and means of support that can make a difference. That it actually is okay, to potentially go against the grain, to think differently to those around us, to take the path less travelled.
- In the film, Runaway Bride, there is a theme emerging that the character played by Julia Roberts always seems to like her eggs cooked the same way as all her fiancees in the past. The character played by Richard Gere, challenges this, and there is a beautiful clip where she is sussing out actually how, she personally, likes her eggs cooked. Yes, this can be talked about around relationships, but I feel it does represent how we can take the options that makes things easier, doesn’t rock the boat, the one that maybe keeps the peace.
- But are we being true to our self? Are we placing too much importance on the need to be liked, to fit in, rather than actually our preferences? This isn’t about being stubborn and a stuck in the mud, just an awareness of how sometimes we can take the path of being liked at the expense of our true self.
- Who would you be if you weren’t worried about this? Are their particular situations coming to mind where maybe this plays out more than others? With particular people or particular areas of life?
- Why not take your journal out, and finish this sentence. If I wasn’t attached to what people thought of me or whether people liked me, I would…
- When we are making a decision, a choice in how we are going to respond, until we become aware, we can find ourselves taking the quick easy loop, the one of least resistance, or to be liked. Can you start to bring a pause into these moments and see how your body is feeling? It may well feel harder, more uncomfortable, maybe take more time to explain, to actually choose the pathway of authenticity, but your true self, your soul, your inner child will thank you for it…
- What is important to you! Another time where knowing more about ourselves, knowing our core values, can really make a difference in this. I know that before I understood more about myself, that I would be in a tricky place of ‘well I know it’s not that, that I want, but I don’t know what I do want!’ Knowing our core values gives us a framework, a checklist to work from.
- Yes, the need to be liked is going to be there from cave man days, but any other clues as to where it came from specifically for you? Any clues as to why particular situations, particular friendships maybe, or particular topics have you trying to fit in? We don’t always need to know the back story, and sometimes we can’t find it, but if we can, it can help to bring some compassion into the mix…
- Do we run the risk of alienating ourselves if we start connecting more with what’s authentic and true to us? Sure it may be a little wonky at times, but a) it means that we may have more space for people to come in to our world that we align more with and b) a stronger connection to ourselves, because finding out what we don’t want or don’t like is just as important as finding out what we do!
