Why I chose this book…

Because I am a middle child, and had heard of ‘middle child syndrome,’ and other negative connotations and was inspired by the positive spin the title gave.

Summary

I see it as a book of hope, it is backed by research which to me always feels like it gives writing and ideas an extra depth.  It covers a range of angles from the myths about middle children, some insights in to different scenarios and sibling dynamics, practical information on owning our middle childness, as well as embracing our super powers!

Some gems

“According to online, newspaper and magazine articles, this syndrome is characterised by the following:

  • neglect
  • resentment
  • low creativity
  • lack of career focus
  • a negative outlook on life
  • the feeling that they don’t belong.”

“Although they’re not usally vocal attention-seekers like firsts or lasts, middles quietly and steadily pursue their own interests, often in the face of adult skepticism.”

“One important message for middles is not to let your dislike of conflict keep you from your goals.  Do your best to make your point, produce your evidence, give the logical argument, and remember it’s not about you personally.  Life is stressful, but you have lots of friends to lean on – after all, they lean on you all the time.”

“They are the most giving of birth orders.  A natural outgrowth of this tendency is that middles gravitate toward work and hobbies that focus on helping others…..  They genuinely want to right some of the wrongs of the world or help those that are on the wrong end of injustice.”  With Nelson Mandela arguably being “the most famous middle child justice seeker of all.”

Who would this book be for?

Anyone interested in sibling dynamics, as the authors do cover other birth orders and life events as well.  Parents who have three or more children, parents who are thinking of having a third-or-more child, those in blended families and of course middle children to help maybe put a few more pieces of the puzzle together.

Coaching Thoughts

This isn’t about a blame game, victim story or poor me scenario.  This is about simply understanding ourselves more, what works for us and what may not.  Why some ideas or paths inspire us and we are drawn to them, and why others may totally repel us.  A lot of what the authors talked about was about being a trail blazer, negotiator and justice seeker, and it is very hard to be these when we are trying to fit in to/or be squeezed in to a not-us shaped box.  When we have increased understanding around some of these ideas, it can help ensure that we are creating our own path and being true to us.

Conclusion

Sometimes I find with books that I have the parts that I take away from it, and the rest isn’t relevant to the pondering I am doing at the time.  But I enjoyed all aspects of this book.  They include a great mixture of examples, case studies, storytelling, as well as including middle children of history as examples of different points which makes it easy to see the characteristics, or super powers, playing out.  I came away not only owning my middle childness, but with more awareness, increased understanding and a sense of pride as well.

The Secret Power of Middle Children – Catherine Salmon Ph. D, Katrin Schumann